If you think a yellow card is something you get after an inoculation or that Kaka is the late Bollywood superstar, you may need these handy survival tips to get through cocktail conversations or office watercooler moments over the next few weeks...
Who's your favourite to win the World Cup?
DON'T SAY: India. We are the current ODI world champions.
SAY: This is the FOOTBALL World Cup. Spain, Germany, Argentina and Brazil are the Fab Four of world football so it's safe to pick any of these sides. The best bet is Brazil since they enjoy the home ground advantage. Even Goldman Sachs has predicted that Brazil will be champions.
Talking of Brazil, samba is sure to come up
DON'T SAY: Gabbar's sidekick in Sholay? I thought he died years ago.
SAY: Samba is to Brazil football what calypso is to West Indies cricket. It is not as much the style as the spirit of the Brazilian dance - joyous and passionate - that's reflected in the country's football style.
If someone mentions La Roja...
DON'T SAY: Is Mani Ratnam making his movie in Spanish?
SAY: It's the nickname for the Spanish side. Just like the Brazilians are called Selecao, the Nigerians Super Eagles, the French Les Bleus and the Dutch Oranje.
What's tiki-taka?
DON'T SAY: I think it is a famous lap dance in Hawaii.
SAY: That's the name given to the style of football played by Spain, the current world champions. It involves short passes and fluid movement and is entertaining to the eye. If you're feeling braver, you can talk of how Italy has moved away from catenaccio, a defensive style of soccer that's frustrating to watch.
For Indian footie fans, the conversation always turns to the Hand of God.
DON'T SAY: It's an expression to describe something inexplicable such as the BJP winning absolute majority or Ganesha drinking milk.
SAY: In 1986, Argentina's football genius Diego Maradona used his hand to score a goal against England. Later, when he asked, he had cheekily replied, it was the "Hand of God".
Now some important football-ese. What's a red card?
DON'T SAY: Is that something you get after becoming eligible for a Chinese citizenship?
SAY: Being shown a red card by the referee means the player cannot play any more and has to go off the field. A yellow card is a primary caution. Two yellow cards make a red card.
If there's talk of brazucas...
DON'T SAY: More importantly, don't start staring at a woman's chest.
SAY: It's the official World Cup ball for 2014. Said to be way more stable than the Jabulani.
What's a shoot-out?
DON'T SAY: Isn't that something which happens in Lokhandwala?
SAY: When a game ends in a draw even after 90 minutes of play plus 30 minutes of extra time, both sides take five penalty kicks each. This is a shoot-out. The 1994 and 2006 world cups were decided in a shoot-out. Brazil won in 1994 and Italy in 2006.
Can India ever play the world cup finals? In football, I mean?
DON'T SAY: Never. Ever.
SAY: If we host it. The host nation is exempt from qualifying. In fact, we are hosting the next U-17 World Cup, which could lead to a future bid. But remember, Russia (2018) and Qatar (2022) are the next two hosts. So there's no such possibility in the near future.
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